This generation isn’t quite cut out for marriage
We care more about instant gratification than we do anything else. The thrill has always been in the courtship and the wedding ceremony. Many millenials don’t care about going the distance like the older generation. We are quick to admit “Till death do us do part” is an idealistic concept because we are not willing to give it what it takes. We are too busy shopping for the perfect partner like an Ajah property. We size worthy candidates in relation to our expectations. The bearded Ralph Lauren Adonis of our fantasies. Chiselled features , sole heir to a billion naira conglomerate ,PHD holder with a green card and 8 inches of….achievements. Ladies yearn for a bearded Trey Songz doppelganger who sends flowers at work and whose sexual prowess is on par with a Russian porn star or or the busty Lira Galore lookalike on Instagram whose culinary/bedroom skills you presume to surpass all your exes. We keep spinning these trivialities until we find a “perfect” partner that would meet our honestly-acknowledged standards. We rarely marry out of love, mostly convenience . This nonchalant attitude towards love and relationships makes millenials more liberated but less stable. When things go awry, We are quick to head for the door in the wake of liberation and the hope of finding fulfilment in singledom. A second chance can go impale itself on a pike.
It is not your fault that you have your heart set on love, happiness and fulfilment in your twenties. Few realize it is more about communication and understanding their partners , even when they clearly owe you an apology. Profound companionship is the mark of a great marriage and the couples who have that in all honesty have sacrificed a lot to get to that point.
I ponder the issue regularly. My greatest worry is our generation will be looked at as the generation that sucked at love . Most young people have never had a good understanding of love, just a poor interpretation of it. This generation seems to be moving away from the example laid by our parents. Instant gratification has become addictive, thanks to technology that allows instant access to just about anything. We forget that Love isn’t meant to be experienced in an instance, but in a lifetime. It is obvious that a lot can be learnt from our parents, well, the ones that are still together.
We’ve built a culture that thrives on entertainment, social media and pop culture. We look to social media as our one stop shop for escapism and entertainment. A break from the demands and pressures of work, family , society and the need for a reputation. When we are stressed or emotions spiral out of control after an heated argument with a colleague or friend, we turn to gossip and chit chats with our virtual acquaintances. When we feel sad or bored, we fiddle with our phones. Social media gives us the illusion of an alternate reality, a form of escapism — a reality in which our emotions are heightened. Love is hard work and intolerable. It is confusing and incredibly idealistic. On some days, it is just an excuse to have sex on good conscience or just a published misconception. We have successfully intellectualized it to our chagrin. It is not , actually the stuff of Walt Disney classics. Pocahontas have clearly done more harm than good because of the expectations of fairy tale endings or everlasting love . Unfortunately, all this does is confuse us, making us believe love should be like a visit to the tailor — vital stats and measurements should produce what fits . Maybe , it is not entirely our fault, as millennials . We have to deal with the pressures of the society, the current economic turmoil and staying afloat. Who has time for Love, really?
We indulge in sex a lot, even the females have become sexually aggressive — and expressive . Don’t get me wrong, at this point , I hate to be misinterpreted. I am not judging anyone or trying to come off as moral but sleeping around ends up leaving you feeling alone and empty. Explain the religious spate of carefully filtered photos on social media. Attention is the new drug, it is exciting and somewhat gratifying to feel appreciated like a piece of graffiti or like a portrait at an art gallery.
Worse yet, finding someone to love and spend your life with has become infinitely more difficult. You’re wasting your best years with people who mean nothing to you (same for the men). You are emotionally spent and, to top it all off, you are likely to turn sex into a sport. When that becomes the case, good luck trying to make love. Good luck enjoying sex when sex is no longer a special or unique experience, but just another evening of grunts and “testosteronal action”.
We have become too intellectual for our own good. As human beings, we have no choice but to live and function within society, within communities of different sizes. Relationships are really nothing more than granular communities. When we focus on only ourselves in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart . We date because it is exciting , the prospect of meeting someone new or just another torrid conquest or experience similar to trying on new shoes. The concept of finding someone to fall in love and spend the rest of our lives with has become too much to bear. It is backward logic evident by the high rate of divorces and relationships that seem to be heading nowhere. We aren’t fans of making compromises and we have created impossible expectations — expectations that always leave us disappointed in the end, not to mention confused. When we’re a part of a relationship, we are only a piece of a greater whole. What we want and need is not nearly as important as what the relationship needs. And what the relationship often needs is for you to compromise. But, nah , you are egocentric , its beneath you to compromise. Once we no longer accept compromise as a necessity, we will lose the ability to create loving relationships.
But why , compromise? You ask. If perfection is attainable , why the track record of broken relationships? why haven’t you had a stable relationship in years? The “ideal” partners you come across at social events, restaurants and the hangouts you frequent are also looking for that perfect individual without looking to become that perfect individual, same as you. Sadly, no matter how unrealistic our expectations are, the disappointment we feel when they aren’t achieved is very real due to our ignorance of how things are meant to be. The grass always seems greener on the other side, meaning the picture perfect photos of couples on your timeline who are still in their “honeymoon phase” is what tugs your heartstrings . Okay ,continu.
Most of us put off finding someone to love until after we get our ducks in a row. A lot of people simply haven’t been able to get a grasp of it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is reason to worry. Of course, each individual is different in his or her understanding, but many seem to be incredibly lost. The issue is if we don’t come to understand what actual Love really is — we will never ,I repeat, never, experience true happiness. That’s nothing short of fact. Take it or do shakara.